I’m finding it more and more difficult to do the things that make me happy.
It’s pretty easy nowadays to feel like the one and only fuck up in the family. It’s not because I have failed. It’s more like expectations have been set and standards have been raised and sadly I’m not living up to them. It’s as if I have to set aside my plans to make way for theirs. If you ask me that’s something quite serious to ask of me, especially with no reasonable explanation other than “it’s a better way for you”.
I think that’s why lately I’ve been scared to do anything that I want because of what reputation it might bring me. It’s sadly the kind of person I’m beginning to become. I used to be that idiot who’d wear her t-shirt inside out and not give a fuck, the girl who’d dance in the street because this song is just that good. The person who loved her shoes so much, that even when the sole was falling off she super glued it together and wore them for another 2 months. The young lady who’d cut her hair and get a piercing just because she was bored of the way she looked one Saturday afternoon. Yes I was quite strange but I was never quite afraid of doing the things that made me happy.
